Divorce Information

Steps to Take Once You’ve Agreed to Divorce

Divorce is always a sensitive subject, a process that’s personal to each couple going through it. Every divorce is as unique as the marriage it’s ending, but there are still a handful of universal guideposts to help steer you through the process.One of the biggest mysteries to most people is, what do we do now? Once you and your spouse have agreed to divorce, what is the next step? We’re here to answer that question.

Breaking the News

The very first thing you must do, if you have children, is to break the news to them. It will not be pleasant, and you may be feeling apprehensive about it, but it is your absolute duty as a parent to follow through. If possible, you and your spouse should tell the children together, as a family, in a calm and loving manner. No matter what acrimony exists between you and your spouse, it’s essential to put on a unified front for the kids. At this point, refrain from assigning blame. Even more importantly, make sure that your kids understand that they are not in any way at fault. This is a defining moment in their lives, so you want to steer it as carefully as possible. Many parents decide to enroll their children in grief counseling or therapy as a precautionary measure. Having a support system outside the family itself can be a real boon for kids who are suddenly finding their stable world shaken, so it’s something to consider.

Sort Out Living Arrangements

To make the transition through a divorce, you’re going to want to figure out who is sleeping where in the meantime. It’s important to have as smooth a journey as possible because the end result will be a major disruption in your life. Many couples choose to remain in the same household, in order to save money or to ease the sense of change for children’s sake. This is an acceptable choice, as long as ground rules are laid out and properly followed going forward. You’ll want to consider such questions as:

● How is time with the kids handled?

● How will household expenses be divided?

● Will it be acceptable for either spouse to bring dates home?

You may want to address these issues with the help of a lawyer or mediator at this point. A professional can help you draw up a legally-binding contract that will clarify the confusion. In the event that cohabitation is not preferred or possible, you’ll need to decide who gets to keep the house for the time being and who must move out. When children are present, the general rule is that the children and their primary caretaker will stay in the home while the other spouse finds new lodgings. Where no children are involved, and you cannot find an agreement with your spouse, the court can look at deciding factors and help the choice along.

Gather Financial Information

This is a big step. In order to clarify all pertinent information and prepare you for the actual divorce proceedings, you’ll want to gather all personal financial documents you can, including the following forms:

● Recent tax returns

● Pay stubs

● Household bills

● Credit bills

● Retirement account statements

● Real estate deeds

● Insurance policies

● Anything else pertinent

The court will require that you disclose everything, from annual income to expected inheritances, so it’s important to have it all laid out in the open before you move forward. If you’re in an amicable situation with your spouse, you may even be able to fill out financial affidavits together, ensuring an even smoother process. Still, remember to make two copies of everything.

Budget

Budgeting is as important in divorce as it is in marriage. Once you’ve agreed on the amount of marital expenses owed per month, devising a budget for each spouse will be exceptionally helpful for a lot of reasons. First of all, alimony will require that you show the standard of living and financial needs. Then, you’ll need to assess the specific needs of your children that may not be covered via child support, including medical and educational costs. In acrimonious situations, you may also need to expose the other spouse’s unreported income, to show that living expenses exceed what they’ve revealed. Beyond this, you’ll also be able to set up your post-divorce budget plan. At this point, you’ll also want to close joint bank and credit card accounts and open your own individual account, to ensure that funds are kept separate. It’s useful both as a precautionary measure and because it will show you what your income and budget will look like once you’ve completed the divorce process. Next, it’s advisable to map out household expenses, especially in the case where both spouses earn comparable incomes. In this case, the court will likely order you to split expenses evenly. Of course, if one spouse remains in the home, then they will cover monthly rent or mortgage payments. If you or your spouse makes significantly more than the other, the court will then divide expenses proportionally. At this point, you’ll want to look at temporary child support and spousal support structures, settling on an amount owed with the help of the court. For child support, the court will set the amount at a standard percentage of the non-custodial parent’s net income but may deviate thanks to external circumstances and extra costs. Spousal support is not always a given but can be granted at the discretion of the court, depending on you and your spouse’s circumstances. Finally, you may want to file state and federal income tax returns at this point. Your accountant or attorney will help you decide whether to file jointly one last time or separately. In most cases, it’s beneficial to both spouses to file jointly for as long as possible. Note that any tax refunds or taxes owed will be split evenly between you and your spouse.